Tag: saturn return

Crossroads

~ virgoaquariuslibra ~ Leave a comment

Moving forward is never a straight trajectory – and sometimes the cycle of this process sees us going back a step, side stepping, not moving at all – and then eventually – being propelled towards a new direction.

It’s also important to look inward and remember what you’ve learned along the way; what are you still holding onto and what are the mistakes you’re repeating.

Nothing is ever comfortable but to be the best version of yourself, and operating on the highest frequency, you need to address the uncomfortable.

07.02.21 Making the right decision

~ virgoaquariuslibra ~ Leave a comment

How do you know if your barometer for making a decision is always right?

When it comes to work, or any life situation, we’re always taught to persevere, stick it out, and see it through to the other side. 

But how long does persevere last – and how long before that mentality can do unnecessary damage to your own mental health.

I always thought it was a complicated subject matter – situation dependent – and one which requires taking lots of variables into account. Maybe even a pros and cons list. 

But actually the answer isn’t complicated. As long as you have pillars.

If you have a plan, goal, objective – a clear vision of what you want for yourself then surely that’s the answer to any crossroad situation.

Where will I be in 5 years – what are my pillars – my core non negotiables. These are the factors that give you an answer.

Does the situation I’m in help to amplify where I want to go – or is it pushing me down the wrong path. Does the situation go against my pillars?

If it does go against your core values, or doesn’t help to add value to your long term goals then you have your answer.

This also takes you out of a limbo situation. Or indecision purgatory. 

I made the best decision based on my core beliefs, pillars and future goals. The confidence that comes with that is so valuable.

2020 changed a lot of things, but it didn’t change our need for social media validation

~ virgoaquariuslibra ~ Leave a comment

It’s a great thing to be able to share our best moments with people on social media, and celebrate our victories, but does the flurry of “2020 you weren’t so bad”, and similarly crafted posts, do a bit of an injustice to – and mask – the personal struggles and hardships that we all faced this year?

If you were to scroll through a typical feed on NYE you could be fooled into thinking that it was almost like any other New Year, a stream of perfect getaways, dinners, reunions, and celebratory moments – and a noticeable omittance of the hardship, job loss, family impact – and days on end of existing in unchartered territories.

Images of us in sweatpants, unedited pictures of our P45s, and photos of us looking miserable with our partners after a row, are all noticeably absent from most timelines. And I’m not saying we should be posting these things, more that it just highlights that we probably never will. After all, if 2020 wasn’t the catalyst for a social media shift, what will be?

In some ways, before Instagram and the likes, it would probably be easier to confide in another person, friend or family member, about any struggles you were facing. But now before opening up we consider it through the lens of both reality – and social media reality.

It feels as though social media has made it harder for some us to potentially talk about how we really feel. After scrolling through endless posts of brunches, scenic walks, the best decorated homes and enviable skin care routines, the last thing someone would want to do is put their hands up to confess that they’re in a tricky situation.

In some senses though, as a platform, it’s allowed us to be more vocal about said mental health issues. We’ve gotten good at being activists for change, sharing posts and resharing our friends posts, and resharing their friends of friends posts, regularly encouraging people ‘talk more’ ‘speak out’ ‘be more open’ on our Instagram Stories – but meanwhile our actual profiles are still filled with edited and glossy pictures that really flaunt our very best selves.

Essentially we’ve created our own seismic whirlpool contrast between never being so publicly open about the topic of mental health itself – while in tandem creating a ‘keeping up with the Joneses Kardashians’ aesthetic and lifestyle that represses us from being authentically open.

If someone is feeling low in themselves you can guarantee that going onto Instagram probably won’t help the situation – no matter how many helpful Instagram Stories they dedicate hours flicking through. Likely it means they will just be met with a flood of posts that are edited and curated in every way – an image of false perfectness that gives the them reinforced doubt about their own situation, and convinces them further of their own perceived flaws.

Again, it’s not to say it’s a bad thing we share our wins but, why do we do such a disservice to our losses and feel the need to conceal all the negative from our social accounts. At the end of the day these are the things that make us a whole person just as much as our wins do. And this honesty might actually just be the key to making us more connected again.

The true meaning of Christmas is… toxic heterosexuality

~ virgoaquariuslibra ~ Leave a comment

This year brought unprecedented change for everyone and this was especially apparent at Christmas – the most flagship day for families to force themselves into one space for hours on end, and only post the good outcomes (if any) of this on Instagram. And no, the matching pyjamas aren’t fooling anyone.

Aside from the disappointment of many not being able to physically see each other at Christmas this year, in some ways the situation did shine a spotlight on what Christmas has morphed itself into over the years – a dumping ground of consumerism and a key moment in the content calendar to #humblebrag on social channels, whether that’s an engagement ring or a Michael Kors bag from your long term serial cheater.

But more than this, Christmas has inadvertently seemed to have turned into a heterosexual checklist for many to evaluate their life stages and whether they have successfully levelled up into marriage or parenthood. And if you haven’t, you get to go home with a box of leftover food and a sinking depression.

But allowing ourselves breathing space from a somewhat toxic holiday is no bad thing – and maybe a good by-product of not being able to travel to see people. And this potentially more so for the queer community.

For many young people (and queer people in particular – especially if they are not out) the thought of being gathered round tables passing gravy and dodging questions about babies, relationships and sexuality can be nerve wracking. Foregoing the at-ease identity you found for yourself in another city and then having to bundle it back in the cupboard can be tense, stressful and a reminder of being ‘not out’ again.

And for disclaimer, that’s not to say that these things don’t affect people who aren’t queer (they do) it’s just harder to relate and associate to constructs that are historically owned by straight people. And having to climatise back into a culture where you may feel less at ease.

But it begs the question … why are these things even considered ‘ideal’ in the first place. Why as a society do we put milestones such as birth, marriage, mortgage on a pedestal as if you’ve completed life more successfully than others. And why do we use Christmas as the peak totem pole of the year to worship these outdated, and sometimes unattainable ideals.

Firstly, let us be reminded that the odds were never in favour, 42% of marriages in this country end in divorce. Second to that – Christmas and its pressures can actually be damaging to physical and mental health. A Medical News Today (2008) article warns that Christmas pressures can lead to anxiety, sleep disturbances, headaches, loss of appetite and poor concentration – all of which are symptoms of stress. And according to psychologists from Coventry University, most people suffer from stress during the Christmas period, but do not recognise it (Curtis, 2002).

Basically, raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimised by Christmas. And it’s high expectations.

Think about how many people you know of (yourself included) who stress about not having a partner at Christmas, and/or having to answer questions about when you are going to have kids, settle down and finally land that mortgage.

So we’re really going to put ourselves through inner turmoil, anxiety, potential debt and top it off with a week long identity crisis just to appease a tradition that, let’s face it, in it’s current format just might not be working for this generation any more.

Maybe we’ve just set the bar too high for too long – and these expectations we’ve set ourselves are kind of unrealistic. And maybe this year just gave some people the chance to (whether through choice or not) the opportunity to skip the groundhog traditions of old and create a new version of their own Christmas. One that exists outside of heteronormative expectations, life achievements and #boydidgood posts.