This year brought unprecedented change for everyone and this was especially apparent at Christmas – the most flagship day for families to force themselves into one space for hours on end, and only post the good outcomes (if any) of this on Instagram. And no, the matching pyjamas aren’t fooling anyone.
Aside from the disappointment of many not being able to physically see each other at Christmas this year, in some ways the situation did shine a spotlight on what Christmas has morphed itself into over the years – a dumping ground of consumerism and a key moment in the content calendar to #humblebrag on social channels, whether that’s an engagement ring or a Michael Kors bag from your long term serial cheater.
But more than this, Christmas has inadvertently seemed to have turned into a heterosexual checklist for many to evaluate their life stages and whether they have successfully levelled up into marriage or parenthood. And if you haven’t, you get to go home with a box of leftover food and a sinking depression.
But allowing ourselves breathing space from a somewhat toxic holiday is no bad thing – and maybe a good by-product of not being able to travel to see people. And this potentially more so for the queer community.
For many young people (and queer people in particular – especially if they are not out) the thought of being gathered round tables passing gravy and dodging questions about babies, relationships and sexuality can be nerve wracking. Foregoing the at-ease identity you found for yourself in another city and then having to bundle it back in the cupboard can be tense, stressful and a reminder of being ‘not out’ again.
And for disclaimer, that’s not to say that these things don’t affect people who aren’t queer (they do) it’s just harder to relate and associate to constructs that are historically owned by straight people. And having to climatise back into a culture where you may feel less at ease.
But it begs the question … why are these things even considered ‘ideal’ in the first place. Why as a society do we put milestones such as birth, marriage, mortgage on a pedestal as if you’ve completed life more successfully than others. And why do we use Christmas as the peak totem pole of the year to worship these outdated, and sometimes unattainable ideals.
Firstly, let us be reminded that the odds were never in favour, 42% of marriages in this country end in divorce. Second to that – Christmas and its pressures can actually be damaging to physical and mental health. A Medical News Today (2008) article warns that Christmas pressures can lead to anxiety, sleep disturbances, headaches, loss of appetite and poor concentration – all of which are symptoms of stress. And according to psychologists from Coventry University, most people suffer from stress during the Christmas period, but do not recognise it (Curtis, 2002).
Basically, raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimised by Christmas. And it’s high expectations.
Think about how many people you know of (yourself included) who stress about not having a partner at Christmas, and/or having to answer questions about when you are going to have kids, settle down and finally land that mortgage.
So we’re really going to put ourselves through inner turmoil, anxiety, potential debt and top it off with a week long identity crisis just to appease a tradition that, let’s face it, in it’s current format just might not be working for this generation any more.
Maybe we’ve just set the bar too high for too long – and these expectations we’ve set ourselves are kind of unrealistic. And maybe this year just gave some people the chance to (whether through choice or not) the opportunity to skip the groundhog traditions of old and create a new version of their own Christmas. One that exists outside of heteronormative expectations, life achievements and #boydidgood posts.
Saturn Return Diary 